Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Haven't Posted For A Little

I haven't posted for a little bit. I turned 21, it was kind of lonely, no real big celebration.

but that's ok.

I had a nightmare the other night, it was scary.

I dreamt I was at my abuser's house because I had to gather my things. They were boxes that were heavy, I kept not being able to pick them all up. My abuser appeared at the door. In my dreams he always looks picture perfect to his real self. I tried to grab my boxes, he kept taking them away, hitting me, calling me names. I went up to what was supposed to be his room tried to open his door, it was locked. I knew there was evidence in there to prove what he did to me, make it so that others believed me, evidence to get charges. I couldn't get to it. The me in the dream kept asking about the lipstick on the floor, being afraid he was hurting another girl. The outside me in my head was saying "Stop asking questions Mary! Grab your stuff and leave!!" I tried to grab everything again and run to leave. He started to beat me, took a gun out. I said "Fine! Beat me, Kill me! Just Shoot me!". If he killed me, if he shot me. Then they'd know what he did. He would get charges. He was holding me down on the floor shooting bullets around me, as I was screaming and crying out. His parents were talking in the other room. They didn't notice me. Didn't notice what he was doing to me. Didn't try to help me. My abuser shot me in my hand. As the bullet shot through my skin. My cat Noodles was there. I told my abuser I would leave, just let me grab my things, I'd never talk to him again, not put charges on him, pretend what he did to me never happened, if he didn't hurt her. He said he promised he'd never hurt her in the most sincere voice. I turned to grab my things. In a wicked demented tone he called out "Noodles" the house walls opened up as he called to her. His gun loaded. I ran to her screaming out Noodles as he fired at her. Noodles looked up at me one last time as I  woke up screaming out Noodles.

He had shot her.

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