Monday, July 28, 2014

Crying

What is it with crying? That when it strikes there is a deep pain inside of me, that everything that is wrong comes out and seems to engulf itself in my mind. Some times I shed a tear as a single one forms in my eyes when a thought or flashback of my abuse passes before me, that I've grown accustomed to.

but when I really cry. I feel real pain, like the world is crashing around me, overwhelmed with feelings. I can't catch my breathe, can't stop the serge of emotion. At least I can feel, can shed tears unlike when I was in my harshest state of PTSD. I don't know how to fix it though that's just how it is now.



Wednesday, July 16, 2014

help me

Today I spent hours emailing more attorneys.

How do I make them listen? Have them help me?

I wish life wasn't as much about money more about being kind to others

doing what's right.

Please someone help me, please.


Monday, July 14, 2014

Like a girl


                      Wow, what a crazy way to think about it. #likeagirl

Sunday, July 13, 2014

What do I do

I feel like my only choice now is to try to contact all civil case lawyer in Marquette, try to find someone who would take my case.

I don't want a civil case, I don't want his money.

Will any lawyer even take my case?

How am I going to pay for a lawyer?

Will any of them even listen?

I don't know what to do.


...How will I live with myself if I just let him get away




Saturday, July 12, 2014

Treat You Like A Princess.


Original post from http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/an-artist-has-created-shocking-posters-showing-disney-prince


Artist Saint Hoax has created a poster series of Disney characters Ariel, Jasmine, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty bruised and beaten for “an awareness campaign of domestic violence”.
Artist Saint Hoax has created a poster series of Disney characters Ariel, Jasmine, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty bruised and beaten for "an awareness campaign of domestic violence".        
 

2. Saint Hoax, a “pseudonymous Middle Eastern artist”, says that the aim of the poster series is to encourage victims to report their cases “in order for the authorities to prevent it from happening again”.

Saint Hoax, a "pseudonymous Middle Eastern artist", says that the aim of the poster series is to encourage victims to report their cases "in order for the authorities to prevent it from happening again".
 

3. The question “When did he stop treating you like a princess?” is written across the horrifying images.

The question "When did he stop treating you like a princess?" is written across the horrifying images.
 

4. Saint told BuzzFeed: “I strongly believe that using Disney visuals as a communication method would reach a young audience and encourage them to research more about these sensitive topics that people usually tiptoe around.”

Saint told BuzzFeed: "I strongly believe that using Disney visuals as a communication method would reach a young audience and encourage them to research more about these sensitive topics that people usually tiptoe around."
 

Photoshoot

A very kind girl I graduated high school with had started her own company Mikayla Michelle Photography. A couple of weeks ago she decided she wanted to photograph me and here are some of my favorite photos. These photos really made me feel beautiful again after my abuse and everything I've gone through.


















Wednesday, July 9, 2014

21 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Depressed

One of the most relatable things I've read for a long time. So you’re sad all the time and don’t want to do stuff. It’s actually way more complicated than that.


http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexisnedd/things-nobody-tells-you-about-being-depressed




Forrest Gump

 


I feel like it's so hard for me to get any tasks done anymore, completion of anything, committing to anything. It's not laziness it's just like I really can't do them, that I have to work harder to get myself to do anything. Anything I used to have talent at, even if I haven't lost it, doesn't seem like talent anymore.


Why?



Monday, July 7, 2014

Trust

I'm always stuck between putting so much trust in someone, which is usually men which is stupid of me, or not trusting anyone. There is no in between.

Either way hurts me, but I can't help it.

It's a fight between being my past of being na├»ve, and believing everyone is good, but also still now the feeling of needing someone; and my present of being scared of people, not wanting to let people in on a deeper level.  


How do I win? How do I change?