Crying

What is it with crying? That when it strikes there is a deep pain inside of me, that everything that is wrong comes out and seems to engulf itself in my mind. Some times I shed a tear as a single one forms in my eyes when a thought or flashback of my abuse passes before me, that I've grown accustomed to.

but when I really cry. I feel real pain, like the world is crashing around me, overwhelmed with feelings. I can't catch my breathe, can't stop the serge of emotion. At least I can feel, can shed tears unlike when I was in my harshest state of PTSD. I don't know how to fix it though that's just how it is now.